Just what the title says.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

The German language has 14 different derogatory terms for Belgians.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

There are over 500 sites on the Internet dedicated strictly to Santa-based porn.

Monday, December 24, 2007

In the United States, more people have sex on Christmas Eve than on any other day. Although the primary stated reason is love, the second most commonly given reason is that one person didn't have a good present for the other person, and the third most common reason is excessive alcohol consumption at a holiday party.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Newsman Tucker Carlson has at least one of every Transformer toy ever produced. He has spent over $150,000 on Transformer-related merchandise and has seen the 2007 movie 28 times as of December 14, 2007. He has seen the 1986 Transformers animated movie over 175 times.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

U.S. Representative Ron Paul once said that his wife had given him specific permission to sleep with Ayn Rand if he was ever lucky enough to meet her. That was in 1971. There is no record that he ever actually met Ayn Rand.

Friday, December 14, 2007

There is a wide-spread rumor in North Korea that the current Secretary General of the United Nations, Ban Ki-moon, is, in fact, a clone created by South Korean stem cell research.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Until 1870, over half the Vice President of the United States annual budget was spent on corn whiskey. It was generally accepted that the primary function of the Vice President was to drink with members of Congress in an effort to get bills passed.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Chuck Norris once deliberately broke one of his own bones just to win a $500 bet.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Actor Ed Begley, Jr. won't plant anything on his property that is not edible. He has a large hedge that not only provides screening from paparazzi, but also provides him with salad greens all year round.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

All pictures of current Secretary of Transportation Mary E. Peters currently displayed on government websites are actually of an actor who has been hired to appear as her. She has a pathological fear of photographs. This was not discovered until after she was confirmed.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Radio personality Rush Limbaugh never allows anyone to see him throw a ball. He has a minor shoulder malformation that makes him throw like a girl.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

The first time that Robert Downey Jr. checked into a rehab clinic it was not for drugs or alcohol. It was so that he could get a chicken-egg-sized boil lanced on his butt. He wanted privacy and figured this rehab was the easiest way.

Monday, November 26, 2007

The largest tick ever recorded weighed almost three pounds. It was embedded in the back of a morbidly obese person. The person was not even aware of it. It was estimated that the tick had consumed at least two gallons of blood during its lifespan.

Friday, November 16, 2007

In Japan, the average person has a 45% chance of being related to a ninja.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

1 in 7 serial killers is also a cannibal.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Actor Burt Reynolds will not knowingly enter a room which contains cheese.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

William Shatner literally begged writer Joss Whedon for a role on his show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Whedon has said that if the show had continued to Season Eight, he was strongly considering casting Shatner as a vampire lounge singer.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Henry Kissinger is a remarkably flatulent individual. When he was U.S. Secretary of State he had to wear special underwear that contained both sound baffles and odor-absorbent panels so that he would not commit any diplomatic faux-pas during high-level meetings with officials from foreign governments. He was not entirely successful. Recently released documents from the former Soviet Archives reveal that during a 1975 meeting a Russian diplomat had to pretend that there were sewage problems in the building in an attempt to explain away the "hideous odors" associated with Kissinger. Kissinger had a cold at the time and didn't realize that his odor panels weren't working.

Friday, November 02, 2007

Salt Lake City has a law on the books from 1873 that bans all shoes more than 13 inches in lengths from toe to heel. It is unclear why this law was passed, but there are two competing theories. One is that it was a measure designed to keep lawless cowboys out of the city by banning their long boots. The other theory is that male prostitutes were in the habit of wearing extra-long shoes as a clandestine advertisement of the length of their penises.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Angelina Jolie is scared of getting cancer because she doesn't want to lose her hair due to chemotherapy. She is preparing for this unlikely occurrence by buying wigs. She currently has 12,000 wigs and two full-time staff people to care for them.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

In New York City the odds of living in a house or building that hasn't been the site of a murder in the past 100 years is 1,250,000 to 1.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

In the United States a car is stolen every 31 seconds. A police car is stolen every 47 seconds.

Friday, October 26, 2007

On Fridays, there is a 15% chance that a given office worker in the United States is hungover.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

In the Northern Territory of Australia, it is just as likely for a person to have a pet wombat as a pet dog.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Americans lose an estimated $570,000 in dimes every single day.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

In the past 100 years there have been over 1200 different species of animals that have directly caused human deaths. This includes over 200 species of mammals, over 500 species of reptiles and 123 different species of fish.

Monday, October 22, 2007

High school marching band members join the military at a rate that is more than double the rate of high school football players.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Actor Matt Damon has trained a flock of crows to live in the trees outside his house and attack anyone who comes around with a camera. It's his way of dealing with the paparazzi. His training methods have been so effective he has been asked to co-author a peer-reviewed paper on avian behavior.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

An estimated 15% of Louisiana alligators have eaten human flesh. This mainly consists of toes and fingers of people living nearby their habitats, but also a large number of coffins unearthed through various hurricanes have provided food for the reptiles.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Singer Cyndi Lauper has damaged her hearing from playing concerts to the point that her own speaking voice is pitched too high for her to hear herself talk.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Joe Francis, creator of the Girls Gone Wild video series, has given a plastic surgeon $2.7 million to research what surgical techniques would be required to make a human quadrupedal.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Paris Hilton loves the iPod. Since its introduction in 2001, she has bought over 275 iPods. This is partly due to the fact that there have been numerous different models and sizes, but mostly due to the fact that she loses them about once every two weeks. She has also dropped at least 17 of them in various toilets.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Every month over 15 people come to Atlantic City hospitals after having their thumbs cut off.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Newsman Chris Matthews always undresses with the music from Carmina Burana playing. He has his whole house wired with speakers so he can take his clothes off in any room.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Despite the fact that in Rome over 60% of daily traffic accidents are caused by Vespa scooters, very few of them are prosecuted because the Italian government believes that it shouldn't tarnish the Vespa as "an important symbol of the carefree Italian lifestyle".

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Every year in the United States more than 300 people are buried in coffins made entirely out of duct tape. The average coffin requires 7 complete rolls of duct tape, making the coffin cost approximately $30. Some especially frugal individuals have instructed that their bodies just be wrapped in tape, like a mummy. Unless the individual is extremely fat (over 600 pounds) this requires only one roll of tape.

Monday, October 08, 2007

A vegan group has spent over $10,000,000 trying to breed a more intelligent variety of cow in an effort to make them more lovable and thus make it less likely for people to want to eat them. Unfortunately it hasn't worked precisely as planned. The cows all have bizarrely large skulls and people feel an instinctual loathing for them as something unnatural or even, in the words of one, "unholy".

Friday, October 05, 2007

Political commentator/advisor James Carville is a passionate believer in free speech. So much so, in fact, that he answers the door for every solicitor that comes by. He does however always carry his cat with him. He gives the solicitor or canvasser one minute to interest him and if they don't he hurls his cat at their face. Although there have not, to date, been any injuries that required stitches, the solicitor/canvasser almost invariably has to make use of the box of band aids and antibiotic ointment that is always on Carville's porch.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

When actor/musician Harry Connick Jr. was young he had a dream about cannibalistic sheep that scared him so badly he needed the lights to be on while he slept for an entire month. He gradually forgot the dream as he got older, but as adult he suddenly remembered the specifics of the dream when a fellow diner told him what mutton was. He screamed non-stop for 30 minutes before a quick-thinking assistant threw a Xanax and a rohypnol in his mouth when he stopped to take a breath. He slept for 12 hours and woke up having forgotten the whole incident. His friends, family and employees now warn everyone to never mention mutton to him again.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

The people of Missouri eat twice as many Cheetos, in total, as any other state.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Actor Donald Sutherland carries an Epi-Pen of adrenaline at all times and tells people that it is because he is very allergic to bees. He is not actually allergic, he just uses this as an excuse for his Epi-Pen so he can give himself injections in public without any legal troubles. When he starts to get tired, he just fakes a bee sting and floods his veins with the sweet energy of human adrenaline.

Monday, October 01, 2007

In 2006, a Miami man was granted a divorce from his wife without alimony while acting as his own attorney. His stated reason for the divorce consisted of three words "Bitch be crazy." The judge presiding on the case granted the divorce after a 30 minute interview with the woman. His summary judgement: "Although his initial lack of sense in agreeing to the marriage is truly egregious, I am forced by fact and my own judgment to conclude that his stated reason for requesting dissolution of the marriage is one of the most sound that has ever been presented in my court."

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Comedian/actor Billy Crystal spends over $4000 a year on prepaid cellular phones that he uses to make prank phone calls. He claims that it keeps his "comic chops" fresh. He even tried to claim it as a business expense on his tax return until his accountant talked him out of it.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Climbing the stairs one at a time burns over three times more calories than taking them two at a time. This is independent of the size of the stairs.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Over 300,000 U.S. male college students work their way through school as gigolos.

Monday, September 17, 2007

The United States Government has spent over $40,000,000 trying to establish a 18 hole golf course in Iraq. The security for the course is on par with the Green Zone in Baghdad. The course uses enough water to serve 15,000 Iraqis daily. Despite the money and security, no one has ever played on it.

Friday, September 14, 2007

William Shatner has a law degree from the Univesity of Iowa. He frequently acts as a legal consultant on his TV show, Boston Legal. He has never tried any cases, but he frequently helps fellow actors with contract questions.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

When drunk, actor Nick Nolte punches people who are wearing Bluetooth headsets. He says that it is a "matter of general principle and common decency". He has steadfastly refused to apologize for any of the incidents, drunk or sober.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Actress Scarlett Johansson requires all of her lovers to be able to fit into the custom-designed condoms that she orders. The condoms are designed to only fit men who are best sized to please her.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Toward the end of his life, professional boxing champion Rocky Marciano was asked if he had any regrets about his boxing career. Marciano said "Yeah, I regret that I never had the chance to fight Bigfoot. I always wanted to lay a right hook across that bastard's ugly face." When the questioner said that Bigfoot was imaginary, Marciano glared at him, muttered something about "stealing our women" and walked away. He died before anyone could ask him about it again.

Monday, September 10, 2007

The Shreveport Louisiana Police Department has recently issued all of their officers with paintball guns. The intention is that if a police officer sees a traffic violation occurring while already issuing a ticket they can just "tag" the newly-noticed offender with a paintball and then track them down later. There have been both advantages and disadvantages in practice. One advantage is that cars shot with paintball guns often pull over immediately to try and find the culprit. This makes the officer's job much easier, especially since the driver of the tagged car often heads right to the officer to make a complaint. The major disadvantage is that on at least two occasions the police officer used the wrong gun and actually shot the car.

Friday, September 07, 2007

In 1459, the English community of Stang Foot made the decision that they could not accept a local lord that they did not respect and so passed a local law that the local lord had to accept a "blow to the nose from the stoutest man in the county" on his 18th birthday. This tradition lasted until 1876. The results can be seen in family portraits. The local male aristocracy is often depicted with a smashed and malformed nose.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Multiple studies have shown that Iowa is the state that Americans are most likely to forget if they are asked to name as many states as possible. Although there are a number of suggestions as to why this is, ranging from shape of the state to the simplicity of the name, the suggestion that carried the most weight with study respondents is simply that Iowa is too boring to both remembering.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

46% of iPod owners feel that people who don't own iPods "just aren't very intelligent".

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Singer Rick James actively tried to become infected with genital warts because he thought that have warts on his genitals would increase the pleasure of his sexual partners. He said "It's all for the ladies."

Monday, September 03, 2007

Inventor Nikola Tesla was well known for his amazing powers of visualization. He was able to visual his inventions completely, in 3-D, in his head. A less well-known aspect of this ability was that sometimes he would get a song stuck in his head. His mental abilities would magnify the song until it was all that he could hear or concentrate on. On the occasions that this happened he would have to be sedated until the episode passed. His friends would know that the song left his head when his hand would stop moving in rhythm to the internal beat. He was especially susceptible to Cole Porter songs, and once had "I Get a Kick Out of You" stuck in his head for 13 days. He hated Cole Porter and spent long hours at the end of his life designing devices that would kill Cole Porter from great distances.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is a very committed environmentalist. He has decided that if he ever has children they have to take up less space than he does. To that end he has made the decision that if he ever does have children, their mother must be no taller than 4'9". He is currently searching for just such a woman, preferably one who, in his words, has "awesome knockers".

Thursday, August 30, 2007

King Uros II of Serbia believed that he was cursed by the Devil with lycanthropy, and thought that he became an animal by the light of the full moon. But unlike the more common ideas of werewolves, he believed that he was a weregoat. He had periods where he would think that he was a goat. During these times, he refused to wear clothing, and would only bleat. His courtiers eventually learned that the easiest way to deal with him at these times was to lock him in a room with a bucket of kitchen scraps and a bowl of water. After several days he would recover. Unfortunately, this indirectly led to his death in 1161 when he ate a bunch of eggshells while thinking he was a goat. He died from salmonella.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

There was a long-standing rumor that one of the ingredients of Red Stripe beer was gecko meat. Finally, in 1995, a spokesman for Red Stripe called a press conference to address this rumor. He said, "Red Stripe is made with only natural and native ingredients. There is NO gecko. That's revolting and besides there are no geckos in Jamaica." A reporter then raised his hand and said "What about iguana?" The spokesman said "No more questions? Thank you for coming." and left the room.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Every hieroglyphic language ever studied has contained glyphs which were based on representations of human genitalia.

Monday, August 27, 2007

If you meet someone suffering from polydactyly (extra fingers or toes), the chances that they are a Mormon is better than 90%. Not only do Mormons suffer from polydactyly more than other groups, but they are also especially committed to converting non-Mormons who suffer the anomaly.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

George H.W. Bush's mother didn't think all that much of her grandchildren. She had mean nicknames for all of them. Most of these are only known to the family, but during a 1998 interview with Neil Bush he let slip that she used to call him "Turtle" because he was "slow and stupid". When the interviewer expressed astonishment that a grandmother would be so mean, Neil laughed and said "That's nothing, you should hear what she called George W." Neil refused to divulge any more nicknames.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Former backup dancer Kevin Federline reported to Entertainment Tonight that since his divorce from Britney Spears, her passionate fans have tried to kick him in the crotch an average of twice a day. Although most have been unsuccessful, Federline said that at least 5 fans have succeeded, including one collegiate soccer player who laid him out for two solid days.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Actor Adam Sandler used to scream involuntarily every time his cell phone rang. This continued until his personal assistant had the bright idea of changing his cell phone ringtone to the sound of Sandler screaming.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

In an effort to get tough on prostitution, the city of Bridgeport, Connecticut recently enacted an ordinance that made public display of "ass crack" an offense punishable with a stiff fine and jail time. Unfortunately, the very first person to be punished under the ordinance was a plumber.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Newly enacted United Nations regulations require that every translator who works at UN Headquarters be able to accurately translate the word "douchebag".

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Vice President Dick Cheney doesn't actually have a heart problem, but he does have a pacemaker. He had it installed so that it would regulate his heart rate during any polygraph test, enabling him to tell lies and half-truths with relative impunity.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Alaskan Senator Ted Stevens has been pulled overboard on several occasions by fish that he has caught. Once by a halibut, once by a king salmon and once by a particularly frisky trout.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Actor Ryan Reynolds is very, very afraid of showers. He usually takes a bath, but if he has to take a shower for some reason he has to take a tranquilizer beforehand. The big downside is that the tranquilizer really screws up his sense of time and he ends up taking really long showers, up to two hours.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

NFL running back Reggie Bush is not an environmentalist, but he doesn't like to lie. So every so often he makes to sure to physically hug a tree so that he can say he is a "treehugger" is a reporter ever asks him about his views on the environment. So far the question has only come up once and the reporter laughed at the response long enough for Bush to leave the room without having to worry about follow-up questions.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Actor Kiefer Sutherland drinks a lot, but not for the usual reasons. He suffers from Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID) and has always felt that he had "too much liver". He drinks as a way to kill off at least part of his liver because he can't find a doctor who will surgically remove part of it.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

All sea otters are bisexual.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito is a huge fan of Harry Potter. In fact, he requires that all his Supreme Court clerks not only be very familiar with the series of books, but they must also play an instrument so that they can play in his wizrock band, Wizengamot.

Friday, July 20, 2007

In a 2002 interview, when asked what she would do if she won an Academy Award, actress Tara Reid said "I would refuse it. Accepting an award would just make it seem as if I think acting is an important occupation. It's not, we're really just hired monkeys jumping around on stage for the amusement of the audience. I mean it's not fucking brain surgery, it's not developing a cure for cancer." When asked if she thought that this attitude might alienate her fans she said "Fuck them. Dumbasses."

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Actor Dustin Hoffman charges people $10,000 to record a telephone answer machine message for them. He will read any script that they want, as long as he doesn't deem it obscene.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Scottish Highland cattle are exceptional diggers. They can dig a four foot deep hole in two hours. They sometimes excavate "burrows" for themselves when the wind is especially bitter. Unlike rodents burrows, the cattle "burrows" are essentially just deep holes that the cows can shelter in. On the downside, cattle have been known to drown in these holes due to sudden rainstorms. They are very heavy sleepers.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Record exective and reality TV fixture Simon Cowell is in the Guiness Book of World's Records for the rather astonishing ability of balancing a needle, point-first, on a single grain of salt.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Mogul Rupert Murdoch won't go outside without nose filters. Not only is he worried about airborne diseases, but he is also worried about mind control, since he believes that nostrils provide unimpeded access to the brain.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Actress Jessica Biel spends four hours a day submerged in lotion in an effort to keep her skin soft.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

On PC keyboards, the Scroll Lock key is not actually connected to any circuitry.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Every day in the United States people clicking on computer mice release the same amount of energy as a 10 kiloton nuclear weapon.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Comedian/actor Stephen Colbert is hard at work producing a new Pippi Longstocking movie, with himself in the starring role.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Actor Viggo Mortensen follows hotel cleaning crews and sneaks into hotel rooms to steal Bibles when the crews aren't paying attention. He says that he is just doing his part to help the American public.

Friday, July 06, 2007

In Portland, Oregon it is illegal to kick a fish.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

The annual 4th of July hot dog eating competion in Coney Island has refused to allow tofu-based "veggie" dogs to be used in the competition. According to the company policy of the organizer "The hot dog helps us to celebrate our lives and our liberties, and it was the firm belief of our founder that these liberties rested on us eating the flesh of dead animals. In this era of "political correctness" and "animal rights" we feel it is important to maintain the traditions that made us both a great Nation and a great company." Besides, a spokesman added "It is a well-known fact that soy-based products make you gay."

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Author Deepak Chopra is experimenting with a new diet that consists solely of krill, a small shrimp that is the primary diet of blue whales. He said that "If this tiny creature can sustain the largest animal on Earth, it must be worthwhile." He has maintained his weight and energy, but has said that the shells from the krill have been "very, very, very hard" on his "colon and anus".

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Actress Scarlett Johansson won't date a guy until he can beat her 3 out of 5 times thumb wrestling. This is not easy. She has very strong thumbs. She can break a walnut between her thumb and forefinger.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Actor Chuck Norris refuses to eat pork because he decided after reading the Bible (Matthew 8:28-34) that pigs are especially vulnerable to demonic possession.

Friday, June 29, 2007

89% of Americans don't believe that Armenia is a real country.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

At some point during every episode of Joss Whedon's short-lived show Firefly, a snippet of gay porn can be seen on a background monitor. It was never a problem as the longest incident only lasted half a second.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

When Hollywood producer Jerry Bruckheimer throws a dinner party at his house he puts out a chair that is completely made of papier-mache. In looks it is indistinguishable from the other chairs but, of course, when someone tries to sit on it it collapses. He thinks that this is a great joke. When the chair collapses, he flips a coin and either gives the victim $1000, or kicks them out of his house for allegedly breaking an antique chair.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Comedian/actor Dennis Leary likes to crack his knuckles. But he isn't content with just cracking his fingers and toes. He can crack his back, his elbow, his sternum, and the sutures of his own skull.

Monday, June 25, 2007

In Lubbock, Texas it is legal for a person to shoot a car whose car alarm has been going off continually for more than 5 minutes. This law led to a series of car shootings when a band of green activists walked around town and set off car alarms on purpose so that they could then shoot them and lessen the number of cars on the road. The group shot 37 cars before an emergency injunction was issued to stop this behavior. None of the owners of the cars were reimbursed by their insurance companies.

Friday, June 22, 2007

1 in 1000 women can have a spontaneous orgasm from yawning. Only 1 in 1,000,000 men can do so.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Former actress and cop slapper, Zsa-Zsa Gabor never learned how to read English, she could only read Hungarian. All of her scripts had to be translated. She never learned how to write either English or Hungarian. All autographs that are purported to be hers are forgeries.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

French General Charles de Gaulle once killed a man during World War II by cutting his throat with a deep-frozen flounder.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Despite his short height, actor Mickey Rooney has the second largest hands in Hollywood.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Powdered rosemary thrown into the eyes will cause temporary blindness lasting up to three days.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Churches are destroyed by lightning more frequently than any other structure.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Once, when asked how she maintained her figure, actress Sally Field said "Oh, that's easy. I like to screw more than I like to eat. I have to have my assistant remind me to eat."

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

The FBI estimates that over 1000 people in the United States fake their deaths each year for various reasons.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

According to a 2005 study, 3.6% of Tokyo natives have a real and persistent fear of an attack by Godzilla. This is despite the fact that they know he is fictitious.

Monday, June 11, 2007

47% of high school reunions end with a fight about marital infidelity.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Former British Prime Minister John Major used to occasionally wear a merkin so as to better appreciate the concerns of his female constituents.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

According to John Keats' diary, the poem "Ode to a Grecian Urn" was actually written about his penis.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The yak is unique in that it is the only animal in the world that kills more humans every year than is killed by humans. This can be attributed to the fact that it is found primarily in Buddhist countries.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

From August 16, 1977 through September 16, 1977 over 30% of all male babies born in Yugoslavia were named "Elvis". 5% of all female babies were named "Elvis".

Monday, June 04, 2007

Urination can cause a sudden loss of up to 5 degrees of body heat. In extreme cases it can cause hypothermia and complete loss of muscular control.

Friday, June 01, 2007

Actor Morgan Freeman has personally caused the disbanding of several chapters of the Ku Klux Klan. He does this by visiting the chapter personally, and through calm oration, rhetoric and logical debate convinces the members to leave the Klan. None of the chapters that he has visited have ever reformed.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Cuban Leader Fidel Castro was an excellent baseball player in his youth. He has forced all of his many children to learn a particular sport intensively. He wouldn't allow any of them to play baseball (so as not to diminish his achievements) but has given them free choice of all other sports. Although generally pleased with his children's choices, including soccer, boxing and wrestling, he was reportedly very upset when one son chose bowling, and had to be hospitalized when told that his son Angel had decided he wanted to be a pro bass fisherman.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Harley-Davidson has begun to offer a new service to its particularly devoted riders. For $20,000 the company will arrange to have a rider's complete skeleton plated in chrome after death, and imprint the Harley-Davidson logo on their skull. So far, 58 people have signed up for the service, but none of them have died yet. Jay Leno is reported to be one of the 58.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Actor Emilio Estevez has a set of mouth guards that cover his teeth and allow him to chew on extremely hard things without injury. He uses these guards to allow him to chew on rocks so that he can build up his jaw muscles, under the belief that a heavily-muscled jaw would make him look more "imposing".

Monday, May 28, 2007

Modern cattle ranches have begun to use branding irons that dispense depilatory gel that removes the hair on a cow and thus forms the brand. These irons don't require a fire to heat the iron and say time, energy and money. Modern rustlers have also adapted to the shifting technology. Now, many rustlers are former hair sylist trainees, recruit for their knowledge of depilatories and their aesthetics skills in changing one brand to another.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Since 1900, the incidence of fangs among herbivorous mammals has increased 700%. There have been well-documented cases of fangs in cows, goats, yaks, sheep, deer and camels. It has been suggested that environmental pressures have been selecting for herbivores who supplement their diet with small animals. One scientist interviewed on the matter said that the "most frightening thing he had ever seen" was a small island in the Caspian Sea that seems to be the base for a population of carnivorous, and in some cases, cannibalistic goats.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Despite an excellent growing climate, and very corrupt police, efforts by marijuana producers in Indonesia have been very unsuccessful. The problem is that orangutans, native to Indonesia's forests, are especially susceptible to pot addiction. The orangutans will rip up newly-planted marijuana shoots and carry them into the treetops. A full-grown orangutan can remove over 600 pounds in one trip. The drug growers won't kill the animals for two reasons, 1) it is considered bad luck in Indonesia, and 2) no one wants to piss off a stoned orangutan

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Aardvarks are the only non-primate known to engage in oral sex.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Prior to the most recent tour of the Rolling Stones, Keith Richards had a shunt inserted into his throat so that if he choked on his own vomit it would be very easy to start him on a ventilator. This followed his 1997 insertion of a shunt in his arm so that he could take intravenous drugs without having to worry about vein collapse.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Reclusive author Thomas Pynchon dislikes meeting new people because he has Tourette's Syndrome. He can't meet a new woman without screaming "Whore! Whore! Whore! Fuck the proboscis monkey!" This makes relationships very difficult. When Pynchon recorded his voice for The Simpsons TV show it took over 4 hours for the take due to all the involuntary profanity.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Among professional athletes, curlers have the lowest heart rates. The average resting heart rate of a curler is 45. One female curler was found to have a resting heart rate of 29.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Mixing Elmer's glue with the mucous of a common garden snail produces an adhesive that is five times stronger and more durable that crazy glue. The combination glue is almost never used however for three reasons. 1) No one has ever synthesized snail mucous, 2) it has proven impossible to farm and milk snails for their mucous and 3) no one wants to have to always carry around a snail just in case they want to glue something.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Google co-founder Sergey Brin refuses to open his eyes between 2:00 and 3:00 in the afternoon. He calls it his "recharging time". He has designated one person to take care of all the tasks that require him to see. That person has complete power of attorney but only during that one hour. The designated person also has to remain within 25 feet of Brin at all times during that hour and any conversation he has must be audible to Brin. For this service, the person receives an annual salary of $1,000,000.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Comedian Drew Carey never wears an outfit that takes more than 15 second to remove. He says "I like to be prepared at all times."

Monday, May 14, 2007

In India the national emergency relief agency is trained to deal with a number of emergencies that don't occur in the United States, such as rampaging monkey hordes. They have had to deal with 4 hordes in past 15 years.

Friday, May 11, 2007

A chihuahua can produce its own body weight in feces in just two hours.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

A small percentage of human moles greater than 1 inch in diameter can be seen to move. Removal and dissection of the mole invariably indicates a rudimentary musculature. Any doctor who attempts to submit a paper on such a mole to a major medical journal not only has his/her article rejected, but also has their subscription canceled.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A PR firm has just opened offices in New York and Los Angeles. It specializes in getting people in the news in unusual ways. One popular way is to break up a phony mugging. Another is to fake a collapse, for a variety of reasons including (but not limited to) exhaustion, alcohol, sunstroke, ennui, and toxic shock syndrome. The company is called Improved Reality and only takes clients who are worth more than $30 million. Tom Cruise is reputed to have been their first customer.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens has four children whose names all begin with K. He is usually asked why he used the letter "K", which he explains stands for strikeout. Once though, he was asked why he had so many children. Clemens was startled by the question and blurted out "Well, I just like fucking."

Monday, May 07, 2007

Bill Simmons, AKA the Sports Guy on ESPN.com, is an enthusiastic softball player, participating in three separate leagues. But he refuses to play in any league which doesn't allow drinking on the field. In one of the leagues he has never made it to the end of a game due to excessive alcoholic consumption. He was voted that league's MVP.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Jeff Keane, the son of Bil Keane who is the creator of the comic strip Family Circus, is an avowed atheist and, despite the fact that he is his father's assistant on the strip, hates what he calls "the pablum escapades of a bunch of stupid dwarfish brats". He says that he would "quit in an instant" if he didn't need the money from the royalties to support his "bad habits".

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Three members of the 29th United States Congress were followers of voodoo. Although they were known to exist at the time, no one knew who they were. The Speaker of the House always carried a bag with a chicken foot and severed cat tail in it to protect against curses from members he might have offended.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Hiccups can be cured instantaneously and definitively by a sharp punch directly in the stomach of the sufferer. It temporarily paralyzes the diaphragm and cures the hiccups. Unfortunately, it also renders the sufferer unconscious due to lack of oxygen, and occasionally dead from damage to internal organs.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

16% of Americans believe that cows are evil. 37% of that group agree to the statement that the Devil looks like a cow.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Until she became the Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice signed her name with a heart over the "i".

Friday, April 27, 2007

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch once directly his underlings to look into the possibility of hiring double leg amputees to deliver the evening news on the Fox Channel. He figured that they didn't need legs as a "talking head" and he could probably pay them less for the same job because they would "just be thankful to have a job." He was eventually talked out of the idea.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Vice President Dick Cheney can't smile for more than 5 seconds without suffering a massive headache. It has to do with a malformation of the muscles attached to his skull. Because of this he has to work very hard at not smiling. He has been known to punch stand-up comedians without warning or provocation.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Former U.S. Senator Zell Miller makes himself vomit once a day. He is not bulimic. He just likes to vomit.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Actress Lindsay Lohan has been offered $3,000,000 to endorse a line of mouthwash that comes packaged with its own set of disposable kneepads. It's called "One Night". So far she has refused.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Rumor has it that there is a Thursday night poker game amongst the Cardinals in the Vatican in which hundreds of thousands of dollars are regularly won or lost. There are even stories that the current Pope Benedict XVI won the papacy by calling in IOUs from the game.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Although they cannot digest them and get no nutrition from them, king cobras love the taste of strawberries. Unfortunately, after they eat them they are unable to expel them from their bodies through normal means. A researcher in Bangladesh discovered that the fermentation of the strawberries in the gut of the cobra produced an intensely powerful hallucinogen. That drug is now extremely popular in South East Asia, where it is known as Snake Bite and has reputed, although unproven, aphrodisiac effects. It is however the most expensive recreational drug on the planet, with one ounce costing $35,000.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Despite the stereotype of hard rock and the Devil fitting together, Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey always claimed that he preferred Pat Boone and early Wayne Newton, because their voices put him in a more "worshipful frame of mind".

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Actor George Clooney is a well-known prankster on movie sets. But one time his pranks backfired on him. He baked a number of cookies using rabbit droppings instead of chocolate chips. He brought them to the set of Ocean's Eleven and called them "vegan chocolate chip cookies". Actress Julia Roberts was warned about the cookies. She pretended to eat one and get sick and then hired a doctor to convince Clooney that she was suffering from tularemia or "rabbit fever". Clooney was so upset that he donated over $50,000 to the hospital she was being treated in before she let him in on the joke.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Although he is reportedly a big fan of J.R.R. Tolkien, talk show personality Bill O'Reilly refused to see the movie version of The Two Towers because it depicted suicide bombers. He felt that even though the bombers were orcs, the mere fact that suicide bombing was in the movie would serve to embolden terrorists.

Monday, April 16, 2007

North Korea has the world's strictest import policy. All clothing made of fibers that were not produced in North Korea are banned. The practical upshot is that customs officials routinely take clothes from visitors and then sell them on the black market.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

The United States Secret Service equips all of their vehicles with grappling hooks that can be fired from the front grill, the brake lights, and each hubcap.

Monday, April 02, 2007

73% of college fraternity members fall into what would technically be considered an alcoholic coma at some point during their time at college. It is estimated that over $20 million a year is spent on payouts in an attempt to keep this fact out of the mainstream news.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Elephants can't pick their noses, but occasionally they are observed picking other elephants' noses.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Comedienne Carol Burnett once got so stoned on psychedelic mushrooms that for three days she thought she was a howler monkey and threw her shit at anyone who tried to get close to her.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Las Vegas casinos are experimenting with blackjack tables that release a fine mist of alcohol from a large tank in the floor. The mist is intended to slowly get players drunk so that they play more recklessly. The dealer at the table is surrounded by a "curtain" of blown air that keeps the mist at bay.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Actor Guy Pearce's mother never believed that acting was a "proper profession". She demanded that Pearce have a fall-back career for when the "acting thing ran dry". To appease her he took a course in automotive repair. Oddly enough, he found out that he really liked it, and has opened a shop in Sydney, Pearce Putters, for times when he is not working on a movie.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Presidential Adviser Karl Rove is the long-standing president of the Farrah Fawcett Fan Club. He spends over 10 hours a week maintaining the club's website and he personally owns over 3,000 pieces of Fawcett-related memorabilia.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Despite his intelligence, U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez has a lot of trouble with multi-line phones. He lost his first-ever job because he was unable to successfully transfer calls. He has hung up on President Bush on more than one occasion because he pressed the wrong button.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

An estimated $150 million is spent on industrial espionage within the zipper industry every year.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

In Victorian England it was illegal to sell lampreys to unmarried women because their consumption was thought to promote lesbianism.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The old college fad of swallowing live goldfish began in 1918 when it was rumored to help stave off the deadly effects of the Spanish Flu. Practioners were led to believe that consumption of live fish would help supercharge their immune systems. Not only did it not work, but it also caused a rash of diseases attributed to fish parasites.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Baseball player Mickey Mantle once bet a teammate that he could hit 5 out of 10 batting practice pitches while blindfolded, if the baseballs used had been soaked in whiskey for 24 hours. He actually hit 7 out of 10, including one for a homerun.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Cuban leader Fidel Castro is passionately attached to the children's game Chutes and Ladders (He doesn't like the English version, Snakes and Ladders because he hates snakes). He plays the game obsessively, with the same endurance that is evident in his multi-hour speeches. In his younger days he was known to play the game for over 24 hours in a row. He says that the game is the perfect metaphor for life with its unexpected setbacks and advances.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Actor Paul Newman owns over 700 billion bees in hives around the country.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The earliest depiction of Satan in a Christian church shows a being that is strikingly similiar to a lobster. Not having a clear idea of what the Lord of Hell might look like, the artist apparently employed something that he personally found scary. Over time, the image gradually morphed into the currently familiar image of a red, horned man. There are images of Satan with gigantic claws that date as late as the 15th century A.D., and one statue of him from a 13th century Byzantine fresco that shows him with a big, flappy lobster tail.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

According to Social Security Records, there are at least 52 people in the United States whose first name is Architeuthis, the genus name for the giant squid. It is unclear what the gender distribution of the name is, although it is apparently used as both a male and a female name.

Monday, March 12, 2007

There are 13 species of mammals (not including bats) and 49 species of reptiles that draw their nourishment solely from blood.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Japan uses more anti-bacterial disinfectant per year than any other five countries in the world put together.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

The average cockroach is more than twice as clean as the average U.S. dollar bill.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Former U.S. Senator Johnathan Edwards is very proud of his oratorical skills. He once bet fellow Senator Olympia Dukakis of Maine that he could give a speech on the floor of the Senate with his mouth full of pebbles, matching the legendary training of the Greek orator Demosthenes. He gave the speech successfully, but was never paid off by Snowe. She claims that he bobbled the word "schizophrenia". The C-Span coverage of the day of that speech has been lost due to a malfunctioning tape player. The wager was for a dinner for two at Wendy's.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

In Singapore it is illegal to build a robot spider for purposes of espionage or as a weapon of war, but all other purposes are legal.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Sen. Joseph McCarthy's last words consisted of an impassioned denunciation of his hospital bedpan for being a Communist.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Foley artists for porn movies often add sounds of animals mating in the background music as a way to heighten the erotic content. The animal most often used is the pangolin. Apparently, according to foley artists, the sounds from two pangolins mating can be quite arousing.

Thursday, March 01, 2007

Former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani never wears clothes with zippers. He once said (in reference to this policy) "It's the only thing that the goddamn Amish have ever gotten right." He has never further elaborated on that statement.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Penguin clubbing is legal in New Zealand, provided it can be demonstrated that the penguins had a "fighting chance". Legally this means that the total mass of the penguins present must outweigh the hunter by a factor of 50. So, theoretically, if the penguins banded together they could take down the hunter. The only other restriction is that the club can't weigh more than 35 oz.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Russian dictator Josef Stalin never wore underwear. He was once asked why by one of his mistresses and he said "It would be wrong. Only the proletariat can be allowed to control the means of production."

Monday, February 26, 2007

The nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty was originally written as a description of the fall of the Roman Empire in the 5th century A.D. The original verse was in Latin, and is only known from descriptions in later works.

Friday, February 23, 2007

When Angelina Jolie moves into a new house one of the first things that she does is have part of it repainted. To the paint that is used for this, she adds a few drops of her own blood. She claims that the blood is "what makes a house into a home."

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Actor James Cromwell has eleven fingers. He is very adept at holding his hand so that the eleventh finger never shows up in photos.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

76% of professional baseball players would willingly take a pill that would take 5 years off their life if it would also allow them to hit over .300. 23% of players would take the pill if it took up to 20 years off their lives.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The largest zit ever recorded held over a cup and a half of pus when it was popped. The dermatologist who treated it said that it was "the most disgusting thing I have seen in 26 years of dermatology."

Monday, February 19, 2007

Properly treated, human hair can be induced to stretch by over 300%. The treatment to do this is a closely guarded secret of Hollywood. It's used to allow movie stars to change their hairstyles so often. Unfortunately, it also leads to early baldness. There are more human hair wigs bought in the city of Los Angeles than in any three other countries.

Friday, February 16, 2007

With extreme concentration and years of practice, certain Hindu yogis can cause their hearts to beat backwards. There is no known use for this from a health standpoint or a metaphysical standpoint. Apparently the yogis just wanted to see if it could be done.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

In an effort to draw revelers away from New Orleans, the Galveston Texas City Council has made public nudity during their Mardi Gras festivities legal provided that the person is wearing a full face mask and all genitals are covered in paint.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

The Australian Oblong Turtle (Chelodina oblonga) can preserve food within its digestive system for up to 3 months with change. It uses this ability to weather times of drought when food is scarce. Researchers are trying to determine what chemicals the turtles uses to save its meals, because they feel that they could be of use in shipping food long distances without refrigeration.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

The New York City Salvation Army sponsors weekly pigeon hunts to help provide food for their kitchens. An average hunt nets over two tons of usable pigeon meat. The hunts started in 1983 as a way to control costs, and despite the significant amounts of meat taken there has been no net drop in the city's pigeon population.

Monday, February 12, 2007

All Peale's Dolphins (Lagenorhynchus australis) appear to be bisexual. Females of the species are the only animals aside from human who have been observed to use objects as sexual aids.

Friday, February 09, 2007

If every pornographic image found on the Internet were to be printed out in hard copy it would be enough to completely cover the surface of the Earth.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Candles made from human bodily materials last up to twice as long as candles made from materials from other animals, such as bees or cattle. Candles made from human ear wax burn 76% longer than candles made from beeswax, while candles made from human fat burn 103% longer than candles made from beef fat or tallow.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Mogul Donald Trump will only write on scratch paper that has been made from shredded 100 dollar bills. He feels that anything thing else is "for little people".

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

When Katie Couric became the anchorperson of CBS Evening News she had it written into her contract that she could miss up to 5 days of work a year due to "bad hair days".

Monday, February 05, 2007

In Scotland, it has been illegal for citizen to be vegetarians since 1847. It is believed that the law was originally enacted to discourage immigration from other parts of the British Empire, primarily Indians. The law, which has never been repealed, says that "Once a year every true citizen of Scotland must eat a fair and hearty portion of our savory and beloved nation dish, haggis." Although that there is no record of this law ever being enforced to the point of deporting some one, there is a newspaper account of a Scottish politician being forced, by mention of this law, to participate in a haggis-eating contest in 1923. His political enemies had claimed that he was not a "true citizen of Scotland" due to a distaste for the organ-laden dish. The politician in question not only won the competition, but he also won reelection to public official almost solely on his eating accomplishments.

Friday, February 02, 2007

8% of Washington state residents have said that they would be willing to try a bite of Bigfoot flesh if a specimen is every caught. 11% of Washington women have said that they would be willing to try and give birth to a Bigfoot baby (either by artificial insemination or natural means) if they had the chance.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

As a young man, preacher Jerry Falwell wanted to be an actor and attempted to start his career by doing impressions. His best impression was an apparently spot-on impression of Warren G. Harding. Falwell worked very hard on that one, studying old newsreels and descriptions of the President. Although his act was praised by the history professor of his local community college as being very accurate and having a "blisteringly funny take" on the Teapot Dome scandal no one else cared about Warren G. Harding. His one man show only attracted 2 paying attendees. He quit show business and went into religion, complaining that "The immorality of modern culture has rendered humanity insensible to true entertainment and respondent only to the lures of sex, drugs and violence." To this day, he leaves the room whenever Warren G. Harding is mentioned, in any context.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

There is a new shirt being marketed in Japan that contains a network of sensors and a Wi-Fi transmitter that allows realtime monitoring of the wearer's health on a website. Although the product was originally intended for monitoring elderly hospital patients, it has been snapped up by Japanese mothers who want to be able to monitor their childrens' health at all times. School administrators have become increasingly frustrated with calls from mothers saying that their kids need to go to the doctor immediately based on their Internet health readings. One woman called a school's office screaming that her child had died when in fact he had only removed his shirt for a gym class.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Hollywood mogul, Jeffrey Katzenberg, has two days of the year that he refuses to acknowledge for personal reasons. One is August 24th, the day that he resigned from Disney. The other is October 7th, but no one knows what happened then. His refusal to acknowledge these days has odd consequences for those working with him. His year is normal until August 24th, but after that day he insists that the date is always one day before the actual day. This gap grows to two days after October 7th. So anyone planning any type of meeting with him must make sure they know if they are talking about the actual date or not. Katzenberg's calendar resets with the New Year so he is back in sync with everyone else on January 1st. Katzenberg is so powerful in Hollywood that no one has yet challenged him on his annoying calendrical tendencies.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Microsoft billionaire Paul Allen has been working for years to try and get people interested in a revival of the World Octopus Wrestling Championships. He watched it on TV as a child and vowed to grow up and win the championship. He feels that he has always been denied his most fervently held dream and, despite his massive wealth, has always felt like a failure. While no one has committed to his idea of a revived championship, he practices his skills every weekend without fail. The largest octopus that he has wrestled so far was 55 lbs. He maintains a 50,000 gallon sea water tank to keep octopuses for training purposes.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Actor/activist Ed Begley Jr. makes all of his clothing out of recycled cloth diapers. He is working on developing this as a business model under the name Poo Pants. He intends to market more than just pants.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

17% of office workers admit that they have stolen over $500 in equipment and supplies from a job. The most common rationale was "They owed me." The second-most common rationale was "I just like stealing things."

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

A recent study showed that people who are blind and have completely lost their eyeballs are much more proficient in successfully navigating an unknown area than blind people who have retained their eyeballs. The study suggested that those without eyeballs are able to use the empty eye sockets for simple echolocation.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

When asked during a 2004 interview whether he had any regrets, former Senator John Glenn replied "Yes, I have always been sad that I never had a time in my life when I was able to really rock a mullet."

Monday, January 22, 2007

Although author Mark Twain made a great deal of money with his books, he died in debt due to a series of bad investments. One of these investments was a device that was intended to attract comets and bring them crashing down to the earth. There are two possible reasons he would fund such an unusual device. One suggestion is that he was trying to make Halley's Comet show up early. He had long said that he was linked to the comet and would die when it returned. He might have been trying to superstiously end his own life by having the comet show up sooner than expected. The other suggestion is that his well-known misanthropy was at work and he was trying to destroy the world by having a giant comet crash into it.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Former First Lady Jackie Kennedy was afraid of becoming a mental or physcial invalid late in life and not being able to live as she wished. In a bold and unusual move she hired a hitman to kill her if she ever became incapacitated and a burden on her family. Knowing that no one would approve of this, she arranged with the hitman that he would only kill her if he heard a specific word used in one of her interviews. It was an unusual word and would signal to the killer that she was ready to end her life. The only problem was that she forgot the word. This caused her to live in fear and greatly restrict the number of interviews she gave later in life. She also made it a point to only use simple words of no more than two syllables, in an effort to limit her chances of accidentally saying the kill word. Her diary chronicles the dread she always felt when she was unable to avoid giving an interview, and the relief she felt after several days had passed with nothing happening.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Senator John McCain always wears a piece of clothing with the phrase "No Fat Chicks" on it. He usually wears it as an undershirt, but he also has the phrase on boxers, a pair of socks and on the backside of seven of his ties. He says that he wears the phrase to help remind him of the important things in life.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

During the run of Star Trek: The Next Generation, actress Bea Arthur was in serious negotiations to play Spock's elderly aunt. Her character was going to be suffering from a Vulcan disease that loosened her emotional control and made her continually sarcastic and obnoxious.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Daniel Snyder, the owner of the Washington Redskins, is a notorious insomniac. But he has recently been able to sleep well due to a new white noise CD that he plays at night. The CD is made up entirely of the sounds of the Madgascar Hissing Cockroach. His wife hates it and has to sleep with her head encased in a sensory deprivation enclosure.

Monday, January 15, 2007

U.S. Representative Denny Hastert sometimes has difficulty staying awake during House debates. He combats this by sitting on a thumbtack and relying on the pain to keep him awake. Although this was initially helpful, he has built up scar tissue on his buttocks that renders it less effective. He has had to move the thumbtack around quite a bit in order to have it pierce unscarred tissue. Occasionally when he stands up the thumbtack still stuck in his ass. This not only is an affront to his dignity, but it also ruins the cut of his suits. One of his aides is assigned to watch him every time he stands up to make sure that the thumbtack is out. He is currently contemplating have surgery to remove some of the scar tissue. He absolutely refuses to drink coffee to stay awake because he doesn't want to be an addict.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Actor/Director Woody Allen's little-known hobby is dog breeding. He never displays the results at shows, but he is working towards breeding the world's largrest dog. He is not working with large established breeds, such as the St. Bernard or the Mastiff, but instead wants the largest dog to be a mutt, because he thinks that it will be genetically healthier. He started working on this project for three reasons. 1) He wanted a large dog as proctection for him and his family, 2) he had long thought about filming a version of the Sherlock Holmes' story The Hound of the Baskervilles and he was unsatsified with the look of exisiting dogs, and 3) he has always wanted to play God.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Actress Reese Witherspoon has instructed her personal chef to come up with a diet that makes her farts smell sweet. The endeavour has not yet been completely successful, but Reese's farts now generally smell amazingly like a freshly toasted English muffin. Oddly, she hates English muffins and refuses to eat them.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Former NFL quarterback Joe Theismann has offered various people up to $100,000 for the chance to break their legs. He claims that it was at the suggestion of a psychaiatrist who thought that it might help him with some of the issues that he has realting to the injury that ended his playing career. To date, no one has taken him up on his offer, but he carries the $100,000 with him at all times, just in case he finds a willing subject.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

In 1980, the FBI investigated charges of anti-American activities amongst the cast and crew of the TV show WKRP in Cincinnati. The investigation lasted 6 months and produced 1500 linear feet of records. Although there were never any charges filed, the records have been classified Top Secret and will not be subject to review for 100 years.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Former Speaker of the House Tip O'Neill had very unusual tastebuds. He tasted sour things as sweet. He estimated that over the course of his lifetime he won over $40,000 in bar bets having to do with eating lemons.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Swedish engineers have built a functional car whose body is made entirely of snow and ice. The engine is made of ceramics and plastics to reduce heat. Although it is slow having a top speed of only 15 miles an hour, it does run, and recently completed a 200 mile test drive.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Political commentator George Will has one superstition that he adheres to rigorously. The first visitor that he receives in his house in the new year has to be of Latvian descent, and have red hair. He keeps a list of people who meet this criteria and he makes a point of inviting them to come over early on New Year's Day. He is very serious about this. He once physically tackled a man who attempted to come in before the yearly Latvian arrived. Will was eventually forced to settle out of court for an undisclosed (but reportedly six figure) sum in order to keep the man from pressing assault charges.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

In the United States, the animal most likely to cause a traffic accident is the opossum. There are two reasons for this (in addition to its relative abundance compared to other animals). 1) Some people find it so cute when it waddles across the road that they frantically swerve to avoid it, and 2) some people, having never seen an opossum before, think it's a giant rat and swerve frantically to try and hit it.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

As part of his rather substantial fortune, Vice President Dick Cheney owns a string of junkyards in the Midwest. His junkyards are legendary for their poor customer service. Cheney defended their performance in a 1995 interview saying "Have you seen the people who frequent junkyards? They are creepy, car-obsessed losers. Most of them forget to bathe half the time, and they can't form a coherent sentence that doesn't involve timing belts. If my staff were friendly, they would have to listen to these losers yammer on about the various junkheaps that they are vainly trying to restore. So, yeah, I am okay with my staff being unfriendly because I don't think that they need the grief of having prolonged conversations with the car troglodytes."

Monday, January 01, 2007

Actor/comedian Jerry Lewis folds pornographic origami as a means of relaxation. His work has been featured prominently in several Japanese museums, including one solo show.