in 1903, the U.S. Secret Service agents broke down the First Family's bedroom door after hearing what they thought was a fight. They found Edith Roosevelt apparently beating her husband, Theodore, and tackled her to the ground breaking two of her ribs. They then discovered that Mrs. Roosevelt was just trying to get her husband to stop snoring. The President slept through the entire encounter.

Bacon grease mixed with Coffee-Mate non-dairy creamer makes a very servicable and low cost alternative to napalm.

Mel Gibson is very concerned tht one of his children might be a target of kidnappers. He has trained them in a variety of skills that he feels are useful to prevent this from happening. All of them are expert drivers (even the ones that are underaged), all are proficient in both armed and unarmed combat, all of them can say "Help, police!" in the 30 most common world languages, and each one of them is an expert at tying and untying knots with their hands and their feet. Finally, each one of them has a GPS transmitter implanted subcutaneously for remote tracking. Gibson has also started to look into having their friends implanted (without their knowledge) so that he can keep an eye on those close to his children.

A recent poll of touring professional musicians revealed, rather unexpectedly, that Toledo was by far the favorite stop in a tour. Almost unanimously the muscians agreed that Toledo was the easiest city to get laid in. One anonymous musician said "The city has an extreme self-confidence problem. That makes it real easy." Interestingly, the survey result held true for both male and female musicians. The Toledo City Council has been having meetings about this issue since the poll came to light. They are torn between promoting the poll in an effort to get more money from touring musicians, and burying the poll because it makes Toledo look like, in the the words of one City Councilman, "a bunch of losers".

Football player Terrell Owens said in an interview that we would never pick himself in a fantasy football league. He said "I am just too volatile. Some asshole on my team is always going to get in my face and I'll have to smack them down. That's just the way it is."

There are more pirates now than every before in the history of the world. Every major shipping company expects to lose at least 5% of their profits due to piracy each year.

Actress Florence Henderson is a very serious composter. Fully half of her 1 acre backyard is taken up by a giant compost pile. She takes in organic materials from all the houses in a 3 block radius. She spends at least 4 hours a day turning the pile with a pitchfork. She sells the compost to local nurseries under the name "Mrs. Brady's Grow Stuff". She sometimes takes her passion too far. Two of her children refused to talk to her for over a year when they found out that she composted the family dog.

Candy canes got their distinctive red and white color due to the fact that when they were first invented the only dye available to use in making the candy was pig's blood.

Actress Andie Macdowell makes a cast of a different part of her body every month. She is intent on documenting the changes that her body goes through over time. She has been doing this for over 17 years and has over 200 different casts, each labelled when and where it was done. Her ultimate goal is to create a series of realistic 3D models of her body changing over time and then sell that series to a medical school as an educational tool.

Shotputting is the national sport of Albania. The fact that no Albanian has ever won an Olympic shotputting medal is considered to be a national disgrace. After each medal-less Olympics the newspapers have publically called for the murder or suicide of the Albanian Olympic shotputting team. The most famous Albanian shotputter escaped death only by cutting off all the fingers on his right hand.

Outdoor clothier Eddie Bauer hated camping with a passion. He used to say that "Only cavemen and the mentally deranged would submit to the elements in this day and age. I'm just glad that those two segments of the population seem to have a good deal of disposable income."

The silkworm (Bombyx mori) does not metabolize heroin but incorporates it, as is, into its silk production. Enterprising drug smugglers have used this as a way to smuggle heroin in and out of countries. The mulberry leaves of the silkworm diet are sprayed with heroin, the silkworm eats those leaves and produces silk that contains heroin. This silk can be used for any purpose that normal silk can. Once the silk is imported to the target country the heroin can be extracted from the silk with a chemical process. Some of the heroin-impregnated silk has actually been used to make high-quality shirts. These shirts are much in demand because over time the heroin leeches out of the fabric and into the wearer's body through the skin. It doesn't duplicate the effect of actually injecting heroin, but it does (according to one wearer) "make everything seem groovier". The downside is that the wearers are extremely unwilling to take off the shirts and wash them because that can blunt the effect of the heroin. It has been reported that some people have worn the shirts until they fell off their bodies from excessive wear.

When asked how they would most prefer to die, men and women had extremely different answers. The most popular choice for men was dying in brutal hand-to-hand combat against a thief trying to steal his electronics. The most popular choice for women was to bleed to death, from a wound received rushing a child to the hospital, while on the doorstep of a lover that had spurned her and remarried.

Before 1975, Ohio State University accepted applicants based on a strict alphabetical quota. Every letter of the alphabet starting a last name had to be represented equally. Although this was not well known to the general public, it was well known to applicants whose last names started with Q, X, and Z. The policy was finally overturned when a white supremacist sued the school on the grounds that letting in an equal number of Z students would give an unfair advantage to Polish Americans.

A number of movie stars now take all nutrition in a liquid form. This enables them to easily control their weight, and it allows them to maintain pearly white teeth at all times.

In 1956, Pope Pius XII was shocked and appalled by the response of America's youth to the singing and gyrations of Elvis Presley on the Ed Sullivan Show. He felt that Elvis represented such a grave threat to the Catholic Church that he formed a special taskforce to attempt to combat Elvis' influence. This task force took a variety of tacks against the singer, including supporting more traditional and conservative singers (they gave Pat Boone over $100,000), and buying up Elvis' paraphenalia so that fans couldn't have blasphemous "relics" of the singer. The taskfore eventually amassed the world's largest collection of Elvis memorabilia, including his famous gold lamé suit, for which it paid over $45,000. The collection is stored under tight security under the Vatican. No non-Catholic priest (or non-Swiss Guard) has ever seen the collection, but there is a persistent rumor that one of the items is a series of pictures of Pope John Paul II trying on various outfits.

The number of people who handle poisonous snakes during religious ceremonies to show faith, i.e. "snake handlers", grew by over 550% in 1992, after the bartender on The Simpsons, Moe Syzslak, admitted that he was a snake handler.

The personal assistants of Los Angeles are constantly called upon to make last minute reservations at extremely exclusive restaurants. One cunning assistant of a Paramount exec recently called a restaurant and when informed that there were no spaces available, called the health department with an anonymous complaint that the restaraunt in question served cat meat. The entire place was closed down for two days. The executive gave the assistant a $5000 bonus for exemplary lateral thinking.

Actor Matt Dillon (and to a lesser extent his brother Kevin) suffers from acute, extraneous dental growth, AKA rodent mouth. Unlike most people, his teeth are continuing to grow throughout his life. He has to have regular appointment to get his teeth filed down. He tried to deal with it as rodents do, i.e. gnawing on hard substances, but found that both boring and problematic due to splinters.

94% of all fruit sold in the United States contains insects in some stage of development, from eggs to essentially fully-developed adults.

Since 2002, the Transportation Security Administration has confiscated over 85,000 sexual aids as "potential security hazards".