Just what the title says.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Cuban Leader Fidel Castro was an excellent baseball player in his youth. He has forced all of his many children to learn a particular sport intensively. He wouldn't allow any of them to play baseball (so as not to diminish his achievements) but has given them free choice of all other sports. Although generally pleased with his children's choices, including soccer, boxing and wrestling, he was reportedly very upset when one son chose bowling, and had to be hospitalized when told that his son Angel had decided he wanted to be a pro bass fisherman.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Harley-Davidson has begun to offer a new service to its particularly devoted riders. For $20,000 the company will arrange to have a rider's complete skeleton plated in chrome after death, and imprint the Harley-Davidson logo on their skull. So far, 58 people have signed up for the service, but none of them have died yet. Jay Leno is reported to be one of the 58.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Actor Emilio Estevez has a set of mouth guards that cover his teeth and allow him to chew on extremely hard things without injury. He uses these guards to allow him to chew on rocks so that he can build up his jaw muscles, under the belief that a heavily-muscled jaw would make him look more "imposing".

Monday, May 28, 2007

Modern cattle ranches have begun to use branding irons that dispense depilatory gel that removes the hair on a cow and thus forms the brand. These irons don't require a fire to heat the iron and say time, energy and money. Modern rustlers have also adapted to the shifting technology. Now, many rustlers are former hair sylist trainees, recruit for their knowledge of depilatories and their aesthetics skills in changing one brand to another.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Since 1900, the incidence of fangs among herbivorous mammals has increased 700%. There have been well-documented cases of fangs in cows, goats, yaks, sheep, deer and camels. It has been suggested that environmental pressures have been selecting for herbivores who supplement their diet with small animals. One scientist interviewed on the matter said that the "most frightening thing he had ever seen" was a small island in the Caspian Sea that seems to be the base for a population of carnivorous, and in some cases, cannibalistic goats.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Despite an excellent growing climate, and very corrupt police, efforts by marijuana producers in Indonesia have been very unsuccessful. The problem is that orangutans, native to Indonesia's forests, are especially susceptible to pot addiction. The orangutans will rip up newly-planted marijuana shoots and carry them into the treetops. A full-grown orangutan can remove over 600 pounds in one trip. The drug growers won't kill the animals for two reasons, 1) it is considered bad luck in Indonesia, and 2) no one wants to piss off a stoned orangutan

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Aardvarks are the only non-primate known to engage in oral sex.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Prior to the most recent tour of the Rolling Stones, Keith Richards had a shunt inserted into his throat so that if he choked on his own vomit it would be very easy to start him on a ventilator. This followed his 1997 insertion of a shunt in his arm so that he could take intravenous drugs without having to worry about vein collapse.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Reclusive author Thomas Pynchon dislikes meeting new people because he has Tourette's Syndrome. He can't meet a new woman without screaming "Whore! Whore! Whore! Fuck the proboscis monkey!" This makes relationships very difficult. When Pynchon recorded his voice for The Simpsons TV show it took over 4 hours for the take due to all the involuntary profanity.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Among professional athletes, curlers have the lowest heart rates. The average resting heart rate of a curler is 45. One female curler was found to have a resting heart rate of 29.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Mixing Elmer's glue with the mucous of a common garden snail produces an adhesive that is five times stronger and more durable that crazy glue. The combination glue is almost never used however for three reasons. 1) No one has ever synthesized snail mucous, 2) it has proven impossible to farm and milk snails for their mucous and 3) no one wants to have to always carry around a snail just in case they want to glue something.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Google co-founder Sergey Brin refuses to open his eyes between 2:00 and 3:00 in the afternoon. He calls it his "recharging time". He has designated one person to take care of all the tasks that require him to see. That person has complete power of attorney but only during that one hour. The designated person also has to remain within 25 feet of Brin at all times during that hour and any conversation he has must be audible to Brin. For this service, the person receives an annual salary of $1,000,000.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Comedian Drew Carey never wears an outfit that takes more than 15 second to remove. He says "I like to be prepared at all times."

Monday, May 14, 2007

In India the national emergency relief agency is trained to deal with a number of emergencies that don't occur in the United States, such as rampaging monkey hordes. They have had to deal with 4 hordes in past 15 years.

Friday, May 11, 2007

A chihuahua can produce its own body weight in feces in just two hours.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

A small percentage of human moles greater than 1 inch in diameter can be seen to move. Removal and dissection of the mole invariably indicates a rudimentary musculature. Any doctor who attempts to submit a paper on such a mole to a major medical journal not only has his/her article rejected, but also has their subscription canceled.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

A PR firm has just opened offices in New York and Los Angeles. It specializes in getting people in the news in unusual ways. One popular way is to break up a phony mugging. Another is to fake a collapse, for a variety of reasons including (but not limited to) exhaustion, alcohol, sunstroke, ennui, and toxic shock syndrome. The company is called Improved Reality and only takes clients who are worth more than $30 million. Tom Cruise is reputed to have been their first customer.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Baseball pitcher Roger Clemens has four children whose names all begin with K. He is usually asked why he used the letter "K", which he explains stands for strikeout. Once though, he was asked why he had so many children. Clemens was startled by the question and blurted out "Well, I just like fucking."

Monday, May 07, 2007

Bill Simmons, AKA the Sports Guy on ESPN.com, is an enthusiastic softball player, participating in three separate leagues. But he refuses to play in any league which doesn't allow drinking on the field. In one of the leagues he has never made it to the end of a game due to excessive alcoholic consumption. He was voted that league's MVP.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Jeff Keane, the son of Bil Keane who is the creator of the comic strip Family Circus, is an avowed atheist and, despite the fact that he is his father's assistant on the strip, hates what he calls "the pablum escapades of a bunch of stupid dwarfish brats". He says that he would "quit in an instant" if he didn't need the money from the royalties to support his "bad habits".

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Three members of the 29th United States Congress were followers of voodoo. Although they were known to exist at the time, no one knew who they were. The Speaker of the House always carried a bag with a chicken foot and severed cat tail in it to protect against curses from members he might have offended.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Hiccups can be cured instantaneously and definitively by a sharp punch directly in the stomach of the sufferer. It temporarily paralyzes the diaphragm and cures the hiccups. Unfortunately, it also renders the sufferer unconscious due to lack of oxygen, and occasionally dead from damage to internal organs.

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

16% of Americans believe that cows are evil. 37% of that group agree to the statement that the Devil looks like a cow.