Just what the title says.

Monday, January 31, 2005

Queen Victoria personally kicked into unconsciousness at least 15 newspaper reporters that she felt had defamed the British royal family.

Friday, January 28, 2005

Despite his Green affiliation, Ralph Nader is the single largest individual consumer of Hostess Twinkees in the entire world. He often eats over 75 a day. One day he ate over 250.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

In 1811, the United States Congress created the position of Fool of the United States. The Fool was supposed to be "in dress, somber and modest, but in speech truthful and sharp." The Fool was intended to stay with the President at all times and keep him modest by pointing out his flaws. It was not always an smooth relationship. Andrew Jackson wrote in his journal "While the Fool's perfect imitations of Calhoun set the table to roaring, I am becoming d----d tired of his japes about my treatment of the Cherokee. Would that we were still in the Army, I would have the b-----d thrashed!" The Office of the Fool continued until 1846 when the Fool was shot by George Dallas, Vice-President to James K. Polk, for his jokes about the Mexican-American War. The matter was quickly hushed up by the Secret Service and the Office of the Fool has remained vacant ever since.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

20% of Britons cannot identify dental floss, and 8% cannot identify a toothbrush. This has lead to the British Dental Association running a series of ads about Chipper, the Little Boy with Bad Teeth. They are surprisingly graphic with Chipper losing all his teeth, becoming homeless, and dying of infection due to unsanitary heroin injection.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Count Chocula was originally intended to be an actual blood-sucking vampire who gained his love of chocolate after drinking the blood of a diabetic. This was deemed to be too obscure. The second suggestion was the he discovered his love of chocolate after sucking the blood of a young child that had just eaten a candy bar. This was discarded as being too violent. Finally, it was just decided that he just liked chocolate in the first place.

Monday, January 24, 2005

Jerry Seinfeld has become extremely interested in high fashion following the end of his show. He talks frequently about starting a high fashion clothing business to produce his ideas. He is very serious about this, stating in late 2004 "Elegant fashion never goes out of style. The basic black dress maintains its importance. If I every hear anyone saying Such-and-such is the new black, I will immeditately punch them in the face." He has made good on his promise this year by already punching three fashion reporters who have used the statement.

Friday, January 21, 2005

The T.V. show Walker, Texas Ranger was aired originally only because the producer lost a poker bet. It was President Bush's favorite show. He reportedly cried at the end of the last episode.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Very few people know Gene Hackman by his college frat name "Volcano". He earned that moniker when he simultaneously expelled fluid from every bodily orifice after a particularly intense party.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

None of the records in the first two years of the Guiness Book of World Records were checked. They were completely made up by staffers.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

97% of American families have a hallucinogenic fungus or mold growing somewhere within their house. It is estimated that 35% of these families are affected one way or another by the hallucinogens.

Monday, January 17, 2005

The U.S. Department of Commerce is seriously considering eliminating a federal holiday in an effort to make U.S. industry more productive. The most common proposal is to eliminate Columbus Day, because it is already controversial. A competing proposal suggests adding a floating half day holiday that would fall the day after Halloween, if Halloween falls on between Sunday or Thursday. The rationale is that most people are hungover anyway, so a half day of rest would really improve their afternoon performance.

Friday, January 14, 2005

When viewed from above, the landscaping of the Playboy Mansion forms the outline of a very voluptuous woman. Local pilots use it as a landmark for guidance. They known that if they fly directly between the woman's legs they are heading directly for the Burbank Airport. Local flight controllers call it the Venus Flightpath.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

The American Psychological Association is going to debate the existence of "email addiction" at the 2005 National Conference. There is widespread agreement that this exists and has extremely serious physical ramifications including stroke, osteoporosis, leprosy, and (according to some) early onset Alzhemier's. The main discussion point is to determine what are the definitions of the addiction. Some argue that people who check their email more than 75 times a day should be classified as addicted, while others argue that the classification should depend on how long one can go without checking email. One extreme case documented a man who never got more than 45 minutes of sleep at a time due to needing to check his email.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Walter Cronkite was a very good limbo dancer in his younger days. Although age has lessened his skills, he was once able to limbo under a two foot bar. Rumor has it that he originally learned to limbo to impress a girl that his family met on a trip to Jamaica in the late 1920s.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

The song "It's Raining Men" by The Weather Girls was based on a true incident in Quebec in 1980.

Monday, January 10, 2005

A sheet of frozen human urine one inch thick can stop a .45 buller fired at close range.

Friday, January 07, 2005

Measured by rate of injuries, polo is the most dangerous sport in the world, with someone getting injured almost ever chukker. There have been over 300 deaths in the last 50 years.

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Despite the fact that his life is the basis for one of the world's major religions, more books have been written about peanuts than about Jesus.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Moving is often listed as the second most stressful event in a person's life, right after the death of a spouse, but no one ever mentions that the third most stressful event in a person's life is tied between going to a new restaurant and getting your hair cut by a new barber.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Official cricket bats can be made from any wood, except Norfolk pine. Norfolk pine is excluded because the wood is considered to be unclean by Hindus. This rule was instituted in 1973 after a British/Indian test match turned into a bloody riot when the Indian National Team found that they had been using Norfolk pine bats. Although no one was killed, there were an exceptionally large number of broken bones because everyone had a cricket bat.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Tom Hanks keeps a sound-proof room in his house where he likes to go and scream obscenities.