Just what the title says.

Friday, August 31, 2007

Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is a very committed environmentalist. He has decided that if he ever has children they have to take up less space than he does. To that end he has made the decision that if he ever does have children, their mother must be no taller than 4'9". He is currently searching for just such a woman, preferably one who, in his words, has "awesome knockers".

Thursday, August 30, 2007

King Uros II of Serbia believed that he was cursed by the Devil with lycanthropy, and thought that he became an animal by the light of the full moon. But unlike the more common ideas of werewolves, he believed that he was a weregoat. He had periods where he would think that he was a goat. During these times, he refused to wear clothing, and would only bleat. His courtiers eventually learned that the easiest way to deal with him at these times was to lock him in a room with a bucket of kitchen scraps and a bowl of water. After several days he would recover. Unfortunately, this indirectly led to his death in 1161 when he ate a bunch of eggshells while thinking he was a goat. He died from salmonella.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

There was a long-standing rumor that one of the ingredients of Red Stripe beer was gecko meat. Finally, in 1995, a spokesman for Red Stripe called a press conference to address this rumor. He said, "Red Stripe is made with only natural and native ingredients. There is NO gecko. That's revolting and besides there are no geckos in Jamaica." A reporter then raised his hand and said "What about iguana?" The spokesman said "No more questions? Thank you for coming." and left the room.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Every hieroglyphic language ever studied has contained glyphs which were based on representations of human genitalia.

Monday, August 27, 2007

If you meet someone suffering from polydactyly (extra fingers or toes), the chances that they are a Mormon is better than 90%. Not only do Mormons suffer from polydactyly more than other groups, but they are also especially committed to converting non-Mormons who suffer the anomaly.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

George H.W. Bush's mother didn't think all that much of her grandchildren. She had mean nicknames for all of them. Most of these are only known to the family, but during a 1998 interview with Neil Bush he let slip that she used to call him "Turtle" because he was "slow and stupid". When the interviewer expressed astonishment that a grandmother would be so mean, Neil laughed and said "That's nothing, you should hear what she called George W." Neil refused to divulge any more nicknames.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Former backup dancer Kevin Federline reported to Entertainment Tonight that since his divorce from Britney Spears, her passionate fans have tried to kick him in the crotch an average of twice a day. Although most have been unsuccessful, Federline said that at least 5 fans have succeeded, including one collegiate soccer player who laid him out for two solid days.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Actor Adam Sandler used to scream involuntarily every time his cell phone rang. This continued until his personal assistant had the bright idea of changing his cell phone ringtone to the sound of Sandler screaming.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

In an effort to get tough on prostitution, the city of Bridgeport, Connecticut recently enacted an ordinance that made public display of "ass crack" an offense punishable with a stiff fine and jail time. Unfortunately, the very first person to be punished under the ordinance was a plumber.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Newly enacted United Nations regulations require that every translator who works at UN Headquarters be able to accurately translate the word "douchebag".