79% of Republicans believe that public libraries are overfunded and agree with the description that libraries and librarians are "very liberal".

Schizophrenics often report talking to fictional characters. Oddly, despite the wide range in ages of the patients, the fictional character most often reported is Betty Boop, followed very closely by Hello Kitty.

Ralph Lauren is developing a new perfume that makes the wearer smell like freshly-baker bread. He plans to call it "At-Home Mom".

The children's dance "Hokey Pokey" was invented in 1849 by the noted English adventurer and linguist Sir Richard Francis Burton after a fact-finding visit to a male brothel.

Renee Zellweger's parents never allowed her to have a Hippity-Hop when she was growing up, claiming that it was "immoral". She now has over 8,000 of the bouncy toys, all stolen.

While in high school, actor Owen Wilson masturbated turkeys for breeding purposes. He says whenever he meets people who think that he has had it easy being an actor he brings up that job. He says he has never met anyone who has been able to say that they have held a worse job.

Jack Black really wants to reshoot Hollywood classic movies like Casablanca and Citizen Kane. The only difference is that Black wants to shoot them as porn movies and use A-List stars. He has already written a treatment for Hamlet with a gay sex scene between Tom Cruise and Jude Law (playing Hamlet and Horatio respectively) and a straight sex scene between Cruise and Keira Knightley (playing Ophelia). He is currently working on a new version of Gone with the Wind with Nicole Kidman as Scarlett. This version is said to feature a lot of interracial sex.

A recent survey has shown that allegiance to sports teams can have a statistically mesaurable impact on how you are going to die. Boston Red Sox fans are more likely to die of heart attack than fans of any other major league sports team. Some of the other maladies that affect specific fan populations: Chicago Bears-drunk driving accidents, New York Yankees-death by violent crime, New York Mets-complications due to diabetes, Indiana Pacers-animal attack (50X more likely than the average population), Seattle Mariners-accidental ingestion of household chemicals, Los Angeles Lakers-leprosy.

Recently, researchers in the Russian National Archives have come across plans for an secret operation known as Kaschei Bessmertniy that was intended to create a new type of soldier for close combat in war. The plan called for bears to be shaven, surgically modified, and clothed so that they could pass for extremely large humans at night. The bears would be specifically trained to attack humans not wearing a particular scent. The idea was that in case of a war with China the bears would be released along the enemy lines at night to rampage and kill large numbers of soldiers with their claws and teeth. The records were incomplete and it is unclear just how far the project got. There are some photos of shaven bears, but no evidence of any surgical modifications.

In 2004, for the second year in a row, Colin Farrell topped the list of "Celebrities That Most Deserve a Punch in the Face" according to a poll by People magazine. Rounding out the top five were Britney Spears (proving that the readers didn't have many qualms about the idea of hitting a woman), Val Kilmer, John Travolta and Courtney Love. In an aside, People mentioned that Paris Hilton had received more votes than all the rest of the entries combined, but that the People editorial board didn't consider her a celebrity, but rather a "wasted parasite".

Actor Wilmer Valderrama has come up with a novel idea to dealing with the large crowds of paparazzi that follow his girlfriend Lindsay Lohan around. He now carries a backpack full of live cockroaches whenever they go out. If a crowd of photographers get too close or too insistent he opens the pack and hurls the insects at them. So far, three restaurants have been closed due to health violations because of his actions.

Some Hollywood stars who want the effects of Botox but who want to use a more "natural" method of treatment, have started using the venom from the bite of the yellow crazy ant (Anoplolepis gracilipes) as an alternative. The major downside to this alternative treatment is a temporary boil that appears at the site of the injection and last between 5 to 7 days. After that the wrinkle-smoothing properties are almost identical in degree and duration to Botox.

Squirrels and cats can mate and produce offspring, albeit neutered ones. This almost never happens though because usually the cat just eats the squirrel.

Up until WWII, pigs were often used in Europe to clean up battlefields. Pigs will eat almost anything organic and the less organic material the less chance for disease. The meat from these battlefield pigs had a strange taste and was actually much in demand from connoisseurs.

Bob Hoskins has to shave his butt every other day, otherwise the rubbing of the hair on his clothes generates surprisingly powerful static electric shocks.

People who sleep with their eyes open tend to suffer from paranoia at more than twice the normal rate of the general population. Scientists theorize that the eye-open sleepers are subconsciously aware of what is going on while they sleep and that this awareness is the cause of their paranoia.

The U.S. government is developing add-on technology that can be used to make almost any item into a "smart" bomb. Designers envision a small pack with some guidance and GPS equipment that could be strapped to almost anything. This would greatly reduce the amount of money that would have to be spent on munitions. It would also allow for some creativity in attacks. The guidance pack can be jettionsoned prior to impact so that the military can claim that the object fell due to a freak atmospheric condition that should properly be called an "Act of God". Suggested objects for use as a "smart" bomb include 250 lb. block of frozen sewage, beehives, pig carcasses, sharks, human beings, and a water bed mattress filled with blood.

Domino's Pizza is working very hard to develop a pizza sauce that contains an antacid. They already have a marketing campaign for the new Domino's Smooth Pizza. Smooth because it goes down so easy.

12% of Americans believe that "The Man" is a real person who is not the President.

Condolezza Rice has such an acute sense of smell that she can identify people by their scent. This makes her almost impossible to sneak up on. However her olfactory acuity causes her nose to twitch involuntarily at strong or unpleasant odors. This is why she looks angry. Recently, she has started taking nasal numbing drops to deaden her sense of smell. Although effective, she is unhappy with this solution because it has ruined her enjoyment of food. On the plus side, she has lost 10 pounds.

In 1901, Andrew Carnegie looked into the possibility of buying the entire state of Rhode Island. He wanted to attempt to run the state according to the "newest, scientific principles so as to bring about the maximum of happiness for the maximum number of people." He calculated that it would cost roughly $700 million, more than even he had at the time. He attempted to interest fellow tycoon J.P. Morgan in a joint venture, but Morgan declined saying that Carnegie was thinking "too small" and he had never liked the smell of Rhode Island's inhabitants.