Recent historical research in the Russian Archives has revealed that Josef Stalin was actually a woman. Numerous sources confirm that this was publically known in the Russian government during the time she was in charge. No one wanted to mention it because, frankly, they were all completely terrified of her. It was only after her death that Russians, in a display of retroactive machismo, changed all references to her original name (which has now apparently been lost to history) to Josef Stalin. Numerous artists were also charged with putting moustaches on all known pictures of her. This was not too difficult, as she was a quite mannish-looking woman. Pictures of her meeting with Roosevelt and Churchill were actually of a body double. She hated both men and stated that she “wasn’t going to waste her time talking to a drunk and a cripple.” Researchers are still searching the archives in the hopes that they can uncover her original name.