Just what the title says.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Some Hollywood agents have started to refuse to represent people who haven't had any plastic surgery because they feel that it is just a waste of time.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Based on condom use over the last three Olympics, Olympic athletes expend 20% more energy having sex in the Olympic Village than they do actually competing in the Games.

Friday, August 27, 2004

There is supposedly one golf course in Northern California that has grass that is crossbred with marijuana. There is a strong suspicion that it is merely a marketing ploy by a clever country club publicist, but the fact that it is likely untrue hasn't stopped a number of rich ex-hippies from playing a lot of golf and puffing on pipes stuffed with bits of the fairway.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Paris Hilton's dog, Tinkerbell, is a hermaphrodite.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

In Las Vegas a gambling house is giving 4 to 1 odds that a fictional character will gain more write-in voters for President than independent candidate Ralph Nader.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Tom Cruise believes that his adherance to Scientology has given him the power to mentally control his hair length. He thinks that he can make his hair shorter while he sleeps due to positive thinking. In actuality, his longtime personal assistant occasionally sedates him and gives him a haircut.

Monday, August 23, 2004

King William IV of England used to deliberately feed his mistresses food contaminated with tape worms because he liked his women thin. Errol Flynn, Warren Beatty, and Steve Guttenberg did the exact same thing for the exact same reason. Only Steve Guttenberg ever got in trouble for it.

Friday, August 20, 2004

U.S. Customs Officials say that one of the most popular hiding places for contraband is in people's hair. From various hairstyles this year they have confiscated: drugs, porn, Zippo lighters, archaeological artifacts, African spiny mice, credit cards, and one man with a cache of 25 snakes eggs.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Ray Romano is a very serious nudist. When he is not in public he never wears clothes. In his house or office he is continually naked. He expects that the people he interacts with to be accepting of the fact that he is comfortable with his body and doesn't like to cover it with "constricting raiments".

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Swedish store IKEA strongly encourages all its employees to be on the Atkins diet. It does this for three reasons: 1) Thin employees are less likely to miss days of work due to illness, 2) the possibility that a high-meat diet will kill the same employees off before retirement, thus saving pension monies, and 3) IKEA controls the largest meat-packing plants in Europe.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Every royal family around the world that has been in existence for more than 150 years shows evidence of moderate to severe congenital physical or mental abnormality.

Monday, August 16, 2004

The Bactrian camel has the largest bladder, by relative size, of any animal. During dry spells it can retain over 150 lbs. of urine. If it reaches an abundant water supply after a dry spell it can urinate for over five minutes straight. The Chinese call this the "Evacuation of God".

Friday, August 13, 2004

Former CIA Director George Tenet has an odd brain structure that only allows him to see things when they are moving. Doctors think that it is due to an extra-large R-complex in his brain. He is spectacularly good at sports involving balls and hand-eye coordination. But he often made people nervous by continually moving his head so that he could see them.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Laura Bush has a small tattoo of a cannabis leaf on her back below her left shoulder blade dating from her graduate school years at the University of Texas. When they were little, she told her twin daughters that it was a maple leaf leading them to believe for quite a long time that there was something bad about pancake syrup.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

White supremacists have started funding liposuction clinics so that they can use the leftover human fat to manufacture explosives. The idea seems to have originated with the movie Fight Club, but none of the supremacist are talking because the first rule of Fight Club is "You do not talk about Fight Club."

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Despite the fact that he was the President of the United States, no one is exactly sure when and where Warren G. Harding was born.

Monday, August 09, 2004

The first documented use of the word "dickweed" occurred on a 1979 broadcast of the McNeill/Lehrer Newshour.

Friday, August 06, 2004

Jack Black once took a dump so large that he photographed it and framed the photo on his wall.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Self-identified Christians are 2500% more likely to commit a violent crime than a self-identified atheist.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Most swimming pools in Louisiana have crawdads living in their plumbing.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Many NASCAR drivers take diuretics or laxatives before a race because the knowledge that they will have to go to the bathroom soon inspires a sense of tension that heightens their reflexes.
Police estimate that 5% of the major crimes that they investigate involve people using family pets for criminal purposes. These purposes range from vandalism, to carrying drugs, to using the pet as a murder weapon.